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HUMOR:
THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 50
Contributed by James Kelly
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- Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
- In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released
first.
- People call at 8 PM and ask, "Did I wake
you?"
- No one expects you to run into a burning
building.
- Peope no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
- There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
- Things you buy now won't wear out.
- You can eat dinner at 4 p.m.
- You can live without sex, but not without
glasses.
- You enjoy hearing about other people's
operations.
- You get into a heated argument about pension
plans.
- You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize
it.
- You no longer think of speed limits as a
challenge.
- You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter
who walks into the room.
- Your eyes won't get much worse.
- Your investment in health insurance is finally
beginning to pay off.
- Your joints are more accurate in predicting rain than
the National Weather Service.
- Your secrets are safe with your friends, because they
can't remember them either.
- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a
manageable size.
- You won't remember where you saw this.
- I don't remember where I published this.
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Surviving A Heart Attack
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What if someone was having a heart attack, and there was no
one was around to help?
The person whose heart was
beating improperly and who was beginning to feel faint would have about 10
seconds to do something before he or she loses consciousness! That person can
help himself by coughing repeatedly and very vigorously. He or she would also
need to take a deep breath before each cough. The cough must be deep and
prolonged, as it would be when producing sputum from deep inside the chest. The
breath and cough must be repeated about every two seconds without letup until
help arrives, or until the heart is felt to be beating normally again. In this
way, the heart attack victim can get to a hospital.
The deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs, and
coughing squeezes the heart and keeps the blood circulating. The squeezing
pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm.
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TELL YOUR SONS AND GRANDSONS: A recent study has
shown that the use of a laptop computer on the lap of a male may cause
infertility! Scientists at Stony Brook University Hospital have discovered that
the male testes heat up after only an hour of laptop use, and the 4.9 degree
Fahrenheit increase may be enough to impair fertility.
In an article published in the Journal of Human
Reproduction, Dr. Yefim Sheynkin writes that the body needs to maintain a
proper testiscular temperature for normal sperm production. Other studies have
shown that even a two degree Fahrenheit change can disrupt sperm production.
Laptops emit a lot of heat.
Further studies are necessary. However, if you want to
become a grandparent or a great grandparent, play it safe and warn the boys to
keep their laptops on a desk, a table...or anywhere but on their
laps!
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NEWS
CORNER
Silvert's Clothing features
reasonably priced clothes for mature adults. Silvert's also has clothing for
people with special needs such as arthritis, incontinence, and more!
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